Oscars 2009 Parties

Let's take one last, loving look at these celebrity bitches getting their drunk on, shall we?

Jessica Biel attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Oscar de la Renta Fall 2009

It's just alright. To be honest, it looks a little cheesy - and the gold belt was not an improvement.


Carrie Underwood attends the 17th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party in Georges Chakras Spring 2009 Couture

Kinda hated this one. It's too stiff and shapeless on her, like she's wearing a very embellished lamp shade.


Carolina Herrera attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Carolina Herrera Spring 2009

On the model, it's an interesting, if unflattering dress. On a non-model, i.e., Carolina Herrera, it just looks like too much dress. It's just not working on her.


Claire Danes attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Zac Posen Spring 2009

This is a really tough dress to pull off and we'll give her credit for trying, but again, this just isn't working. Hate the neckline and the sleeves.


Debra Messing attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Jenny Packham Fall 2008

Biggest HATEDRESS of the night. We can't tell you enough how much we hate this dress. It's just plain ugly - these pictures are actually almost flattering - and her boobs were hanging out the side.


DVF attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Diane von Furstenberg Spring 2009

Diane, we love you and we congratulate you on your legs, but something a little more formal for the next Oscar party, mkay?


Gwen Stefani attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Chanel Fall 2008 Couture

This is another really tough dress to pull off. The trick is, you need to be 20 years old and a model. Gwen is neither.


Jessica Alba attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Roland Mouret Resort 2009

Loathe as we are to admit it, she looks pretty fabulous.


Madonna attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Christian Dior Spring 2009

Lorenzo thinks she knocked it out of the park. Tom is scared of her arms.


Marion Cotillard attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Elie Saab Fall 2008

Gorgeous. This is the first pretty much flawless after-party look we've seen.


Marisa Tomei attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Juan Carlos Obando Spring 2009

It's an interesting dress in both versions, but we have to say we like it a lot better without the color blocking.


Sharon Stone attends the 17th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party in Christian Dior Pre-Fall 2009

Hello, nipples! And howyadoin there, hips? It's like a salute to Sharon Stone's body! In dress form! This ain't flattering at all. The distinct whiff of desperation doesn't help.


Taraji P. Henson attends the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Nina Ricci Spring 2009

Mmm. No. This is a clunker considering what she was wearing earlier in the night. It's just a little to twee and adorable.


Victoria Beckham attends the 17th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party in Victoria Beckham Fall 2009

Honestly, she is the ONLY woman who could pull off this dress. It's a bit much, but that's Posh for ya.


[Photos: WireImage/Style.com/NYmag.com]

Oscars 2009 - Part 2

Stay with us, bitches! We've got a lot of ripping ahead of us, so get your coffee and settle in.


Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior Fall 2008 Couture




We can understand why she made the alterations, but it was a more interesting dress before them. Still, she looks beautiful, and every inch the Academy Award-winning actress.


Alicia Keys wearing Armani Privé, Fred Leighton jewels and a Zufi Alexander clutch




She really broke out the va-va-voom on this one. She looks beautiful but she's so done up she kinda doesn't even look like herself. Like she's a drag queen doing an Alicia Keyes tribute named Felicia Sleaze or something.


Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab and emerald Lorraine Schwartz drop earrings




Oh please. People who get PAID to comment on red carpet (what a concept) have been falling all over themselves praising this dress. "She's BACK!" Whatevs. She never went away. She just went home and put on another boring dress.


Evan Rachel Wood in Elie Saab Spring 2009 with Neil Lane gems




This is a stunning dress and it fits her like a glove, but the color is just too washed out on her. Any color at all would have been a big improvement.


Freida Pinto in John Galliano Spring 2009, carried a Judith Leiber clutch and wore Martin Katz jewelry.



We go back and forth on this one. First off, the color is beautiful on her. Second, she gets points for doing something different. Third, we suspect this was a bit of a nod to her heritage, as it does have a sari quality to it. Those are all points in the look's favor. What doesn't work for us is that it's kind of a mature dress, no? We could see Helen Mirren in this.


Halle Berry in Marchesa Spring 2009




What's the point in critiquing this bitch's clothes? She could come out in a paper bag and still look stunning. Still, it's a very pretty dress.


Kate Winslet in Atelier Yves Saint Laurent and Chopard jewels



What a disappointment. Clearly, she was browsing the "serious actress" rack. It's always interesting (and a little horrifying) watching an actress with great talent transform herself into something slightly more than human in order to snag that prize. She looks less like a person and more like an institution at this point. Polished and coiffed and tucked and burnished to a lovely shine, everything that made Kate Winslet interesting is subsumed and we're left with this statuesque perfection instead of the quirky, talented, pretty young woman who got the nomination.

Anyway, the dress is striking, but a little dreary. We don't like the lace panel, the color, or the titscrepancy. And we would have loved to see what her hair looked like the next morning after she slept on that helmet.

Click here to see more dresses >>

[Photos: WireImage/Celebutopia/Style.com]

2009 Oscars - Part 1

Darlings, there's so much shit to talk about! Dresses, dresses, dresses! How are we ever going to get it all done this week? We're just going to have to let go and let God, kittens. Plus, vodka.

Hit it!


Marisa Tomei in Atelier Versace



That's a lot of dress, perhaps too much dress for the l'il ol' red carpet.


Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad Spring 2009



Miley Cyrus, like all teen starlets, has the power to cause middle-aged gay men to come to blows. Lorenzo HATES the dress and has NOTHING GOOD to say about its wearer. Tom thinks if he'd had to make red carpet appearances at her age, he probably would have worn some shitty dresses too.

Wait. That didn't come out right. Tom's point is...she's trying, isn't she? She's not letting her nipple slip out or wearing see-through dresses or crazy getups with legwarmers and feathers. Every event she goes to, you can tell she tried her best to look appropriate for the event and fabulous to boot. Most of the time she fails, but she's...what? Sixteen? And we haven't seen her get out of a limo with no underwear on yet? Honeys, she deserves an award just for that.


Amy Adams wearing Carolina Herrera



Amy, who hit the red carpet years ago like a breath of fresh air, has become something of a one-note bore. Column dresses in rich colors. Check. Severe, "serious actress" hair. Check. She looks good but we've seen it before, haven't we?


Anne Hathaway in Armani Privé Couture Spring 2009



Gorgeous. This dressed moved beautifully.


Beyonce in who the hell knows? Probably her mother with the glue gun again.



Lorenzo spent all night putting the pictures together for this post and writing little notes under them. Under these pictures, he offered the following:

"This is offensive."

That about sums it up. This dress is a hate crime.


Heidi Klum in Roland Mouret Resort 2009 [modified]




She's come undone. Literally. This dress looks like it's about to fall off of her. And how about you narrow it down to a half-dozen bangles at a time, Heidi?

Click here to see more dresses >>

[Photos: WireImage/Celebutopia/Style.com]