Oscars 2009 - Part 2

Stay with us, bitches! We've got a lot of ripping ahead of us, so get your coffee and settle in.


Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior Fall 2008 Couture




We can understand why she made the alterations, but it was a more interesting dress before them. Still, she looks beautiful, and every inch the Academy Award-winning actress.


Alicia Keys wearing Armani Privé, Fred Leighton jewels and a Zufi Alexander clutch




She really broke out the va-va-voom on this one. She looks beautiful but she's so done up she kinda doesn't even look like herself. Like she's a drag queen doing an Alicia Keyes tribute named Felicia Sleaze or something.


Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab and emerald Lorraine Schwartz drop earrings




Oh please. People who get PAID to comment on red carpet (what a concept) have been falling all over themselves praising this dress. "She's BACK!" Whatevs. She never went away. She just went home and put on another boring dress.


Evan Rachel Wood in Elie Saab Spring 2009 with Neil Lane gems




This is a stunning dress and it fits her like a glove, but the color is just too washed out on her. Any color at all would have been a big improvement.


Freida Pinto in John Galliano Spring 2009, carried a Judith Leiber clutch and wore Martin Katz jewelry.



We go back and forth on this one. First off, the color is beautiful on her. Second, she gets points for doing something different. Third, we suspect this was a bit of a nod to her heritage, as it does have a sari quality to it. Those are all points in the look's favor. What doesn't work for us is that it's kind of a mature dress, no? We could see Helen Mirren in this.


Halle Berry in Marchesa Spring 2009




What's the point in critiquing this bitch's clothes? She could come out in a paper bag and still look stunning. Still, it's a very pretty dress.


Kate Winslet in Atelier Yves Saint Laurent and Chopard jewels



What a disappointment. Clearly, she was browsing the "serious actress" rack. It's always interesting (and a little horrifying) watching an actress with great talent transform herself into something slightly more than human in order to snag that prize. She looks less like a person and more like an institution at this point. Polished and coiffed and tucked and burnished to a lovely shine, everything that made Kate Winslet interesting is subsumed and we're left with this statuesque perfection instead of the quirky, talented, pretty young woman who got the nomination.

Anyway, the dress is striking, but a little dreary. We don't like the lace panel, the color, or the titscrepancy. And we would have loved to see what her hair looked like the next morning after she slept on that helmet.

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[Photos: WireImage/Celebutopia/Style.com]

2009 Grammy Awards - Part 1

Well darling, the stars were out for the various Grammy-related activities this past week and you know what that means, don't you?

It's BITCHPANTS time!


Paula Abdul in Basil Soda Spring 2009



Jesus Christ, we needed a second cup of coffee before looking at that. There's so much wrong here that it's kind of hard to get a handle on the whole thing. First off, the length is all wrong for her as is the silhouette. Second, we like the shade of yellow but we're not sure it looks all that great against her coloring. Third...honestly, do we need to point it out? Her shoulder is being eaten by nanites! And finally, the "1968 prom" hair is DISASTROUS.

Paula, immediately FIRE whoever put this together for you. And when we say "fire," we mean, "set them on..."


Paula Abdul in Basil Soda Spring 2009 attending the Grammy Salute to Industry Icons



We don't love the dress but this is a huge step in the right direction. The silhouette and color look great on her. There's perhaps too much going on with this dress but we do like the print on the skirt. The bodice is just distracting and it makes her look like she's wedged into that dress. Shoes are fab.


Miley Cyrus in Roberto Cavalli Spring 2009



Lorenzo likes this dress (although he admits she can't quite pull it off) and Tom exclaimed "EW! God, NO!" upon first viewing it. The back is all cocktail waitress and the front looks like she put on her apron to go make pierogies in the church basement. The shoes are just okay.


Miley Cyrus in Heve Leger Fall 2008 attending the Grammy Salute to Industry Icons



Props for trying to do something a little sophisticated but again, she can't quite pull it off. Besides, it seems a little formal for the Grammys.


Maiysha in Carmen Webber (Yes, THAT Carmen Webber)



Sweet Jesus.

How is it that someone puts this on, looks at herself in the mirror and not only thinks it's appropriate to leave the house in, but that it's appropriate to be photographed in?

We will say that if the bottom was a skirt, we'd probably have no problem with this. Good job on the nipple coverage, though.


Giuliana Rancic in Rami Kashou Fall 2008 Final Collection



It's a sharp, eye-catching dress and for the most part it looks good on her. She had to go the sexy route and ruin the skirt, though. Congrats on your legs, honey but that doesn't give you free reign to ruin the line of a dress.

Hate the shoes.


Rihanna (pre-drama) in Gucci Spring 2009



She looks pretty damn fabulous. Beautiful print and the colors work really well on her. Lorenzo doesn't like the belt but Tom thinks it does look better with one, just not this one. Also, her girls look like they're suffocating. Still, the overall effect is enough to overcome any transgressions. The jewelry's nice but it's not what we would have chosen for this dress.


[Photos: WireImage/Getty Images/Style.com]