It gets worse in the second half, if you can believe it, kittens.
People keep asking if the decoys had the same amount of time and the same budget that the final 3 had. We can look at this and confidently say "No." Clearly Suede had about 20 minutes and 12 dollars to put this collection together.
Oh fine. You want critique? Here: all of those fabrics are fighting each other, the proportions are horrible and nothing is fitted correctly.
It's executed fairly well in comparison to the rest of the looks. We suppose some would say this is a pretty dress. We think it's a bit too adorable. It seems obvious to say this, but it looks like Barbie clothes. And the bust is terribly fitted.
HOLY. SHIT. PART. TWO.
There are drag queens that would look at that and say "No way." There are 5-year-old girls in princess costumes who would look at that and say "That's a bit much, don't you think?" There are blind people who would look at that and say "My eyes!"
In other words, it's really, really bad.
Oh god, we're tired at this point. What else can we say? You've ruined us, Suede. You've ruined us.
We can point out how distressingly similar these looks are, though. The same "fitted" (haha!) bodice over a full asymmetrical skirt.
Jesus, those are some cheapass-looking fabrics. They look like wrapping paper. Discount wrapping paper.
It's a nice day for a whore wedding.
We never thought Suede was really a contender all season long but even we are completely flummoxed by this collection. It is shockingly bad. There's just no getting around that. We feel kind of sorry for him because he never should have been there and he wound up flaming out pretty spectacularly in front of a lot of spectators. Honestly, there's a part of us that wishes he would have just cheated and farmed the work out to more talented people. No one was going to check on it and at least he wouldn't have embarrassed himself.
Kittens, if you thought we were tough on Jerell, you haven't seen anything yet. This was a runway show so jaw-droppingly bad that as we mingled in the tent afterwards, the word "embarrassment" was heard to be uttered more times than we can count. These were clothes that even Barbie would wave away with a "Honey, please."
And with that, let's start the show:
Please bear in mind that this is supposed to be the opening "wow" piece. A pink housedress with a backwards apron. Except for the straps, there is absolutely nothing of interest going on. The fabrics couldn't be more blah, the dress isn't fitted to her at all, and those bangles look like something we would give our niece for her birthday.
Our niece is five.
HOLY. SHIT.
He's fucking with us, right? It looks like a centerpiece for a gay baby shower.
The dress is fine. Boring, but fine. Of course, there's that big noticeable seam running right above her cooch but lets pretend we don't see that. Once again, the color is baby-shower pink. There's nothing sophisticated about it at all. But what's the point of that gigantic ruffle? What purpose does it serve from an aesthetic point of view? She looks like a valance fell on her and she got tangled up in it.
From the fourth row, this didn't look that bad but looking at it close up, it's another poorly fitted blah design in another questionable fabric. It just kinda hangs on her.
While this isn't quite a "HOLY SHIT" look, it's still something of a "Really, Suede? REALLY?" You're in Bryant Park; you couldn't maybe step it up a little? The bodice doesn't fit her at all and we hate the construction of that skirt. It looks like pipe cleaners. The only thing this look has going for it is that Nazri's wearing it but even she couldn't make it look fierce.
Honeys, we don't think anyone with a brain could accuse us of being in the bag for Suede this season. He's certainly received more than his share of T Lo bitchery, but this decision is pure horseshit, right up there with Nick's auf'ing to keep Santino in the game and Austin's to keep Wendy Pepper in the game.
The challenge seemed designed to produce a trainwreck of a runway show. Country Korto? Hip Hop Noodles? Darlings, we were pre-cringing at the thought of the results, but surprisingly, most of the results were either boring or passably good - with one notable exception.
This was NOT the notable exception.
We'll get to Kenley's later, so try and hold your commentary for that little bitchfest, but the worst we could say about this was that it was kind of dull.
It is amazing how our impressions of someone can turn on a dime - especially when they stop the posing. We were rooting for him all last night because he really seemed determined to please the judges and listen to Tim. Yeah, there was still the third-person thing and the finger-guns-to-the-camera thing, but we can't stay mad when a designer is just trying to stay in the game.
We thought the vest was kind of an interesting design.
But when it was paired with a typical sternum-baring Jerrell top it took on a decidedly "Godspell touring company" look. And poodles? If an outfit makes us hum "Day by Day," that's not good.
Surprisingly (to us anyway), those pants came out looking pretty hot.
Of course, it helped that the model filled them out so well. Why hello, Miss Jerrell. Who knew you had it in you?
Now, now. No need to be shy. Let Michael get a little closer to ... examine the construction.
No, really, the pants were actually kind of cool. It's just that the outfit was dull and these damn judges always consider "dull" to be a bigger crime than "eyesore," so once again, the less entertaining designer was sent packing. Every season has to have a producer-picked villain and it took a while, but Veronica Lodge got the nod which meant Suede was going home. Anyone who didn't see that coming as soon as the runway show started simply hasn't been paying attention to the history of the show.
We were the call-in guests on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens After the Sew last night and got to chat briefly with the Suedester and we found him to be sweet and grown up about the whole thing. He handled it better than we ever would have, that's for sure.
For more of Suede's thoughts, check out his Burning Questions interview:
Bravotv.com: Did you agree with the judges' decision? What did you think of their comments?
Well this look was the first time I ever got a "FAB - U - LOUS" from Tim Gunn. That meant the world to me. I did understand the judges' feedback and think the comment that I learned the most from was by LL Cool J. He told me that when an artist is on stage for two hours they need to have something that people will keep seeing little surprises in their clothing. I learned from this comment and immediately after we got out of filming I was given the chance to dress recording artist and diva AMUKA for KTU's Beatstock. I channeled EXACTLY what LL Cool J said and I worked it out - Amuka looked smoldering. For me, it would have been much easier to create a stage look for a woman then a man. I believe in edginess for a guy, but taking it over the top and costumey is just not where I am at this point in my career. So at the end of the day I was true to who I am and super-proud of my look and honored to be in the top five.
Bravotv.com: Kenley was pretty feisty in this episode -- what did you think of her attitude towards Tim/in general?
Completely disrespectful! Tim is amazing and I have the utmost respect for him and let's not forget she ripped me apart on the last episode as well. Clearly, she has some growing to do!
And his exit interview:
[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravo -Videos: Bravotv.com - Screencap: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
"She seems very interested in the pants, which is not Suede's thing."
Oh, horseshit. It's "not Suede's thing" because Suede CAN'T DO IT WELL.
By the way, we think the constant playacting must be getting to him at this point. He looked EXHAUSTED through the whole episode.
Maybe if he hadn't used up all his energy playing "Suede," he could have allocated some of it to actual design and execution. Because kittens? This SUCKED.
We like Pucci style prints, but we thought this one was kind of ugly. Really, that's just a taste issue. Let's talk about the actual design, shall we?
As Nina pointed out, it's a horribly dated, early '90s look. As the Duchess pointed out, it's a ridiculous outfit for a working photographer.
Suede, it doesn't matter that pants are not your "thing," they're practically de rigueur for a photographer. Putting her in a cocktail dress with an ugly jacket is simply a ridiculous choice.
Oh, and about that jacket...
Too much going on with that trim, not to mention it's totally wrong for that dress. Plus, as Tim pointed out, the sleeves don't match. Anything that requires actual tailoring skills, like sleeves or pants, just isn't Suede's "thing."
Right.
And how exactly is she supposed to take pictures with those trumpet sleeves getting in the way?
But you know what? All of this is just a lot of hot air. Nothing we can say can top Nina's critique.
"I have a lot of problems with this and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I will say no more."
"Tell him to stop looking at me."
[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravo - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
