Stylista: High Crimes and Misdemeanors

Y'all, Ashlie has a question.


She's asking, how will she know if he really loves her? Because apparently, she says a prayer with every heartbeat. She even falls in love whenever they meet.

She's asking you because you know about these things.


"Making a model happy before a photo shoot is crucial."

Yeah, okay but let's not go overboard here, people. Let's have a little dignity.


Maggie Rizer is, from most accounts, a perfectly decent person. This was playacting at its worst. To start, the entire premise strained credibility. You know, if they were putting Madonna on the cover, they'd be scrambling to meet any ridiculous demand thrown their way, but for a paid model? Even a so-called "super" one? Not really.


And another thing: it was so godawful LAME.


And STAGED TO DEATH.


And LAME.


Also?

LAME.



Once again, we have to suffer through an embarrassing challenge to get to a good, meaty one. We enjoyed seeing them act like actual assistant editors. More of this, please.

Could you imagine if the contestants on Project Runway had to do one humiliating task that had nothing to do with fashion design every single episode? There never would have been a season two, that's for sure. But we digress.


Even though we agreed with the judges that she's not a very good swimsuit model, this was clearly the better of the two shoots.


And say what you will about Megan, she ho'd up and immediately admitted that.


For once, the stars were in alignment, and these two briefly made a good team. We kinda got the impression that Ashlie was a little terrified, though.


But the minute we saw them working on the layout we knew they were gonna screw up a good thing.


The theme is great, the styling works for the most part. They just chose too many pictures and we get the impression there were better shots to choose from than these.


Great outfits though.


Although they should have seen immediately that she couldn't do swimsuit.


Dyshaun: high-strung, nasty bitch. Sorry, but we're over him. And if he's been edited into the villain, so be it. We're so over "Dyshaun," then. We don't know the real guy but the character on the show is just plain unpleasant.


Ew. What a HORRIBLE outfit.


But that was a great photo and a great look and the layout and copy were just better on this one.


Which is ironic, because the looks themselves just aren't that great.

Let that be a lesson to you, kittens: If you find yourself serving shit, put it on a pretty plate.

Tonight! ZAC POSEN! NAKED! 50% OF THAT IS TRUE!

[Screencaps; Projectrungay.blogspot.com]

Stylista: Who's That Bitch?

Dear Miss Banks, Miss Slowey, and Miss Zee,


When monkeys fly out our butts and this show gets picked up for a second season, we urge you to consider the following: people don't want to watch assistants slogging their way through humiliating tasks like fixing your breakfast or kissing the ass of some has-been model bitch who thinks a hotel room is a long-term real estate investment.


With a show like this, they want to see some semblance of what it's like to work in fashion editorial. Just like Project Runway strips the process of fashion design and creation to its barest cartoon essentials, so too should your show do its best to mimic the editorial process. Photo shoots and styling and page layouts are actually interesting to the type of demographic most likely to tune into your show (opinionated women and gay men). AND, it might actually cast Elle magazine in a flattering light as a place where professionals work their shit to put out a great rag instead of a frivolous place that promotes unrestrained bitchery over talent.

Cordially and at arm's length,

T Lo


Enough thinking. If they're gonna serve up drama and bitchery, we'll just have to go along with that.


We had Dyshaun pegged as a nasty piece of work practically from Day One.


Far be it for us to rag on another fag for being a bitch, but there were times when we thought he went too far and we were pretty slack-jawed at his nastiness this week.


HOWEVER, a little bird whispered in our ear because she thought the editing in this episode came pretty close to depicting a flatout lie and she wanted to defend Dyshaun a bit. According to her, Kate was just as nasty to him, going so far as to deride him for being gay.


Now kittens, we're not naive. There's every chance that this little bird is spinning her own little tale for whatever reasons (although we're thinking "I hate Kate" ranks pretty high on the list), so take this little bit of insider gossip with a grain of salt. We report, you decide.

One thing's for sure...


As much as the editing tried to depict Kate as the victim this week, and as much as we were almost buying into it and feeling bad for her, all of that evaporated pretty quickly during the judging.


"What's this? Is there whispering in my fake conference room?"


"I just think, like, you shouldn't be saying nice things about their work because it sucks and we should be getting all the praise."


"You're a completely self-centered brat with no class, aren't you?

I like that."


"I'm just saying that Team Us rules and Team Them drools, that's all."


"Kate, is it? Kate, I admire your complete lack of tact and professionalism. It's what Elle is all about."


"Wait. Did she just--? Am I supposed to -- ? Megan! Do something! Hit her!"


"Hmmm. The little bitch is acting like a little bitch. Color me shocked."


"I am totally having fun with my look today. I really BROUGHT IT this time."


"People are always talking about 'being professional.' WhatEVER. I just think I should flaunt my tits and throw everyone else under the bus every chance I get. I don't know much about fashion but I do know how to be self-absorbed and that's what it's all about, right?"


"Isn't that right, New Best Friend Ashlie? You totally agree that we're supposed to win it, right?

Ashlie? Can you hear me?"


"Ladies, hold me back. I'd like to avoid getting arrested for assault on national television if I can.

...

I can't help but notice that neither of you are holding me back."


"Kate, as you can see, I am positively awash in bitchy queens every single day. It's kind of refreshing to see such over-the-top nastiness coming from a fellow woman. Keep it up."

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]